The event takes place within the context of my employment and a project I have been working on. The company I have been working with, is a non-profit organization that works with instructors and those in need, in the prevention and correction of the actions of alcohol and drug abuse. Their primary focus is educating those so that they can become more aware of the real life consequences of their actions. The aim of the project was to improve the classroom learning material, supplementing with computer based learning, to increase the effectiveness of the teachers’ ability to teach the material and participants to learn. It was my role in the team of graphic designers and programmers to put the finished product together. It was in this position as a software developer that I learned the value of embracing change.

The night before the product was to be unveiled, some last minute changes were suggested. The majority of the development team was hesitant to go though with these changes, myself included. The addition of complex features had the potential to make us miss the deadline. In the end however, I conceded and stayed up all night and into the morning to go ahead an implement these changes.

Thankfully, on the day of the demonstration, everything went well. In fact, the users of the new program were amazed by what we were able to put together. Beyond pencil and paper, the physical and visual aspects of interacting with a computer and seeing what effect the participants actions could have on their real lives played out in front of them, brought to them a sense of emotion that they had not felt before. It was specifically, the change that had been made the night before that had the most impact on them. By putting in the little bit of extra effort, foregoing my own personal hesitations, and to see the reaction, it really opened me up to appreciate the value of change.

Small changes in my life, while the effects may not be immediately evident, can lead to great reward. There may be risk associated, but such is the journey of life. This particular experience really opened my eyes in realizing that. Whether it’s changing the type of light bulbs I use, changing the way I study for an exam, changing the way I eat or exercise, I realize now that all of these small changes in my life can have a great impact on my future.

Nakane makes her credibility on the topic of the Japanese society known up front and that the book may appear to be making generalizations or that some of the analysis might be flawed. It is her first hand experience along with extensive research on the topic however, that lends to her authority on the topic. It is perhaps this innovative approach, rather than say, one that is strictly scientific, that gives the impression that such a unique and complex society can be at least partially understood. Of these innovations is the use of unique words to describe the characteristics of the Japanese society. The “attribute” as she calls it, refers to a collection of traits that tie a group together, where as a “frame” describes the location, group or setting in which there is a social context. In a way, this coining of new terms as it applies the foundation of her analysis may be seen as amateurish and unorthodox. The way I see it however, is that with such a unique society, original methods are sometimes best to introduce concepts that are not common or seen in other societies on the whole.

It is within this “attribute” and ”frame” structure, that Nakane describes the diverse relationships within the Japanese society. From one’s primary frame, there in lies the majority of one’s social interaction. This frame however has its drawbacks, as Nakane mentioned, “group unity […] is essential,” but it “creates a gulf between the group and others with similar attributes but outside the frame.” What this boils down to is dependence on the group for economic, emotional, and other support systems, but rejection of those outside of the group who otherwise might be able to offer the same or better support. Within the context of family for example, it is only those living in the house that can count on support from the family; blood relation in that context wouldn’t make much of a difference. Within a corporation, there is little to no, or otherwise strenuous cooperation between companies. While that would perhaps foster competition between groups, it perhaps limits innovation and the introduction of new ideas into society.

The groups themselves then, have their own internal structure. What this essentially consists of is age and tenure being the deciding factors of where one is placed on the vertical hierarchy, with little importance given to ability. Within school, sports or corporations, the flaws with a system like this can be seen quite clearly. A new college graduate, the top of his class, exceptionally skilled and brimming with innovative ideas is hired into a company on the lowest level. All of the decisions are however made by the old man who has been with the company for years, who only inherited the top position because of that fact, not because he was an astute businessman. The group in that case, could be said to be only as strong as it’s weakest link. As Nakane notes, this structure is essentially unchangeable once the group has been formed and there is no advancement based on merit. There is little to no incentive to try harder either, but only to improve the standing of the group – in relation to other groups. This is another issue that Nakane points out, that the competition is against other groups and not in seeking unique ideas or one-of-a-kind improvements that deviate too far from the status quo.

Seemingly contradictory in her analysis, Nakane mentions that the frustrations in lack of advancement within this hierarchal group structure can spur the creation of new groups, breaking off from the parent. An understandable course of action, but Nakane’s arguments before this revelation gave me the impression that this was all but unlikely. The strong case is made however, that if one becomes too good for the group, that the group would likely force them out or out of one’s desire to overcome the hindrances of the group, a new group would be formed. This again reinforces the idea that the primary goal is not to achieve, but to stay stagnant and wait it out to work your way to the top, though even when at the top, one must not stray too far from the group; with the alternate being, you must be an exceedingly above the others in the group if one is even thinking about leaving (for one’s own social health).

One other point of contention is when Nakane proposes that only a horizontal based relationship -or- a “contractual” based relationship would work with regards to having separate groups to help alleviate the dilemma of group mentality and lack of productivity in the vertical relationship system. To me this seems like a false choice. Would it not be possible to marry all three of the systems into the current vertical, even if only gradually? Nakane makes note that “the possibility just does not exist in Japan,” but perhaps it could be said that currently the proposition seems difficult and with time, that things could change.

Nakane continues to stress the Japanese peoples’ dependency on these groups, or frames. Emotionally, socially, economically, they are needed for support, but there are glaring flaws with a system like this. Despite these flaws, Japan could be said to be successful, and with that I can agree. One could speculate as to whether changing the fundamentals of the group and vertical hierarchy systems present in Japan would produce a more efficient, powerful, Japan, but it wouldn’t be the Japanese society we know today.

Another perspective on Japanese society comes from that of Takeo Doi, who looks to the word “amae” to describe the fundamentals of the society and its behavior. Amae as explained is, “the desire to be passively loved.” A fairly simple concept that potentially has large implications. Doi’s purpose in writing this book is to look at the Japanese language to explain the societies’ behavior as it relates to the phenomenon of amae and “what happens when amae is in some way frustrated or distorted.” With his personal research and experience in hand, Doi explains this takeaway from the viewpoint of language as he says, “the typical psychology of a given nation can be learned only through familiarity with its native language.” While the word amae is unique to the Japanese language, it is not unique to the Japanese people; Doi points out, just the fact that it is use however, this has implications about the society in which it is being used. It is then this concept of amae, which Doi relates to the vertical relationships that Nakane mentioned in her analysis. In the context of a familial or intimate relationship, this amae could be someone wanting to be spoiled or pampered by his or her loved one. In the context of a corporation and other such circumstances it could be found in the humbling and honorifics used to refer to the self and the other; a “childlike attitude” as Doi puts it.

Beyond the word amae, Doi introduces a myriad of other words that relate to this concept and help to further define the behavior of Japanese society. One such word is “tanin,” which refers to other people besides ones self. Tanin however, is not used to refer to a parent, indicating that the parent-child bond is not that of one and another. It is the concept of amae that sits behind this bond, the desire to retreat back and indulge oneself in the helpless desires of early childhood where child is again dependent on parent. Again, outside of the context of the familial, this extends into the whole group mentality. There are those who are inside the group who share a special bond of inferred indulgence, and those, others, on the outside who are all but cut off from this relationship. Both Doi and Nakane’s views on this group mentality support each other in that it can be said that there is security within the group, but beyond that, there is potential threat; therefore to leave the group, is to enter a threatening situation in which social and emotional support ties are severed.

Another interesting societal behavior as it relates to “amae mentality” is that of the Japanese sense of being victimized. A simple example given by Doi is how Japanese would phrase being out in the rain; “I was rained on today” as opposed to saying something to the effect of “it rained today;” the person speaking becomes the victim of the rain. This “sense of being a victim,” is not a “temporary sense of grievance” but is an overarching social state. This state does not only apply to the individual, but also when in a group setting, it is the entire group that becomes the victim. Most prominently, this sense of amae and being a victim was brought about by the “shock of defeat” at the end of World War II in which it could be said that some regressed into a state of wanting to be taken care of.

Using language as the key to understand any society is an interesting angle to take, as at first glance it can seem to be so limited. While I would have at first second-guessed the merits of doing so, after reading Doi’s work, I can clearly see the relevance. At the same time however, relating it all back to amae, the desire to be passively loved, seems to be a bit of a stretch at times. The actions of society speak for themselves, but having them all interconnected to some one “thing,” seems to simplify such a complex subject too much. That said, the cuteness phenomenon in Japan that continues to this day, and the features of amae seen throughout the society cannot be overlooked; as Doi says, “the distinction between children and adults has become blurred,” “everyone has become more childish,” with those statements, I don’t think I can disagree.

As both books were published in the 1970s, there is a lot of recent history that is missing from them. Economic ups and downs, and the ever-shrinking global sphere of influence, new technologies and innovative forms of entertainment are just a few of the issues that play a part in how the society is shaped and behaves. That does not deter their significance however. Whether it is via language, or strict observation, to have a better understanding of where the society stands today, we must look back at its beginnings. It is not always possible to get everything right, but Chie Nakane’s Japanese Society and Takeo Doi’s The Anatomy of Dependence do a good job of helping us understand what and why the society of Japan is what it is today.

I spent my freshman and sophomore years of college at Bluegrass Community and Technical College before transferring to full time study here at the University of Kentucky. My focus during those two years was on general education requirements, but also preparation for continuing to study in business related fields. My freshman year I successfully completed ENG 101 and 102, receiving near perfect scores on each of my six major writing assignments for those classes. The following year I took a communications course, which focused on research, preparation and oral presentation. In that class too I was able to do very well in delivering clear and concise informational and persuasive presentations. The communication course incorporated the use of visual aides such as PowerPoint as well, which I was able to use efficiently.

Since transferring to the University of Kentucky I have focused more on my major course requirements in the areas of Japanese and economics. My Japanese culture courses have included major writing assignments in them, which again helped me to exercise my writing and research skill. One of the projects required critical report and review of two anthropological books, where another focused on incorporating original research on a comparative period in history into the written work. In both instances I was able to complete the assignments at a much higher than average capacity. On the side of economics, I took a business statistics class which required group research and written report collaboration. In the team-working environment, I was able to provide my fair share of data and assisted in report formation and editing, contributing to the overall success of the group.

Despite my academic achievement, I would have to say that my weaknesses revolve around the areas of initiative and leadership. I am more of a behind the scenes kind of guy. It can take me a while to get going on writing assignments; furthermore, it’s usually best if I am provided direction in terms of writing topics and assignments, and that it is not left up to me to make any final decisions with regards to projects. In any case, I can take those roles if need be, which makes me a great team player, but they are definitely not my strong suits.

Education

Well, I graduated in May. That is, I completed my Associate’s in Arts degree. With “High Distinction;” inducted into the Phi Theta Kappa International Honors Society; maintained a 4.0 GPA; accepted a scholarship to the University of Kentucky. Wow, things can only go down from there, lol. But I guess I can be proud of my accomplishments, yes, without sounding too braggart about it. I’m still pretty chronic on the procrastination front, and now at UK, that’s starting to catch up to me a bit. Still, I’m enjoying the overall experience of learning, regardless of how well, what grades and such I get in my classes.

Uncertain of where this education is going to take me, I think I’m starting to form at least some sort of a picture of where I’d like to end up. No real attachment to the outcome, but I’ve got some ideas in mind that I’d like to solidify and start to take action on over the next year.

Travel

Right after graduating, I hopped on a plane to Japan and had the grandest time. Over the past year I’ve been back a total of four times and it never gets old. Something new to see and do each time, and even some of the old stuff, I guess I could say, has started to feel new again. Kyoto was memorable for quite a few reasons. I really enjoyed it. My last trip to Japan had me in Izu, where I visited an onsen for the first time. My next trip to Japan, well who knows when, but I’ll definitely be going back.

I’ll mention in passing, the current disaster in Japan. I some ways, I wish I was there now; to help. I don’t know.

Also included in my travels this year was a trip to Hawaii. That was a great time as well. I enjoyed swimming on the beaches and just the overall atmosphere. In April, I’ll be going to Sakura-con in Seattle. I’m really enjoying traveling and hope to continue to do so, off and on for the indefinite future.

Work

No longer freelancing, I’ve accepted a position with the company I’ve been doing work for over the past couple of years. As a full time student, I’m keeping a busy schedule, but while I could be doing better, I think I’ve managed to handle both. I, for the most part, still enjoy doing what I’m doing. There are little times here and there where I really feel a sense of accomplishment, and that makes it worth it.

Health

Nothing new really, read into that what you will, haha. That said, I’ve been working out and getting into a bit better shape. No drastic changes, but it’s noticeable.

Life

What can I say, life’s good. There’s always going to be bumps and such, but me personally, I can’t really complain.

Oh, and as winter wraps up, I hadn’t thought we could top last years, but this year, the winter in Kentucky was pretty active. Add to that, driving through the blizzard when I was in New Your over Christmas break, and this winter truly has been an adventure. I love it.

Bought a couple of rings. I had stopped wearing my ace of hearts ring some time ago, but these new ones are a little bit more stylish. I was thinking about getting a watch, necklace and a bracelet too… but in the end, figured that might be a bit too much. Tho I used to wear all that in middle and high school, small changes for now.

I’ve not got my new tattoos yet, but I do have some ideas for filling in the rest of my chest. I’ll continue to drum up and tweak the designs and will probably get something done before the spring.

Did a little shopping and bought some more abstract-ish t-shirts and button up long sleeve shirts. Nothing new really, it’s an continuation of the style I’ve been working with over the past year. With regards to how I’ve been wearing them, just an overall more relaxed look and feel.

What’s the Jersey Shore have to do with any of this? Well, I was working late one night and on TV they were running a marathon of the first season. I was casually watching it, and I kinda got hooked on it a little bit. I’m a people watcher yeah, and these are some interesting people to watch I guess. In any case, one thing that stood out to me was some of their style of clothing. Jeans and t-shirts, somewhat similar to what I’ve been wearing as of late. Basic stuff yeah. Add to that the fact that I’ve been lifting weights for a bit now, the parallel in that sense was kinda funny.

I’ve changed my major at the University of Kentucky, so now I’ll be majoring in both Japanese and Economics. I feel as if my Japanese isn’t up to par, even though I’ve been learning it for the past two years. So, that’s definitely an area I want to put more effort into. The changing in majors is also sort of a self-check on that. While changing it back is just as easy, and I had planed on sticking with learning Japanese for at least four years anyway, this gives me more pressure (incentive? hmm, who knows).

Economics is going all right. I’m taking the second of my required stats classes now, so things are more on the math side of things, which is my strong subject if you will. With switching to the Economics major I’ll have to take another math class, so while I had hoped to be done with math, gonna have to go back and pick up one more; hopefully shouldn’t be too bad. I’m looking forward to moving on to studying more advanced Economics theory over the next few years anyway.

Still not sure what my plans are after school, but with Japanese, Economics and 10 years of experience as a programmer/software developer, I’m sure I can figure something out. In any case, I’m learning Japanese and learning about Economics not with some specific goal in mind, only that it’s something I want to learn. More go with the flow rhetoric, yeah, whatever the outcome, I’ll continue to just follow my interests.

Do it Faster, Makes Us Stronger

So, I’ve been working out for a few months now, slowly increasing the lifting weight and making some pretty decent strength gains; along with that I’ve been walking a few miles to and from school, also riding my bike on occasion. Body recomposition, one can definitely tell that I’ve both gotten bigger and smaller, if that makes sense.

Visually, I’d say I’m still a bit of a teddy bear, tho physically perhaps, a little more intimidating, hmm. Hate to sound too vain… ah, I’m gonna stop myself there, hehe. Feels pretty good and I’m planning to stick to it.

No major fashion changes to round out the overall appearance change, tho I did buy a bunch of new clothes recently. Obviously I am putting some effort into all of this stuff, but to reiterate what I’ve been saying lately, I’ve been doing nothing other than being myself. The same person I’ve always been.

Enso

Now, I’m no Zen practitioner, philosopher or the like, but over the past year I really have connected with it. Or to say it another way, I’ve connected more with myself. There are plenty of words to describe this connection and meaning, but the words aren’t needed, yeah. I’ll just let it speak for itself.

On my left arm is a totally new piece. There are a few levels of meaning on this one. For one, it is representative of my relationship with my sister. More than just a sister, she is a friend. A person I am very grateful to have in my life. The colors of the petals (though, the tattoo is in black and white) represent the Orange and Yellow of our childhood. On her right ankle she has a tattoo of a small sunflower; the sunflower on my arm is magnitudes bigger, I am her big brother after all. And finally, the position of the tattoo is opposite hers, this symbolizes the myriad of differences between the two of us.

A second meaning is tied to my travels to Japan and Hawaii this past August. In a way, it doesn’t seem like I’ve been to Japan four times over the past year, and is four times really a lot? Indeed it is. It is amazing that I am able to follow my passions as I have recently. I am very happy that I have been able to do so. My travels to The Land of the Rising Sun and the Sun shining down on the beaches of Hawaii are both represented by this sunflower.

Chinami Photo / Sunflower Drawing

On a last point of significance, as was with the tattoo that is positioned over my heart, this is another picture that was drawn by Chinami. Those two days in Hawaii where I got to meet, talk, and interact with Berryz, the special connections with Chinami were so great. Tho the setting of the meeting was Hawaii, each time I’ve come back from Japan I’ve said that the time spent has been the best time of my life, this is no exception.

I’ve got ideas on how I’d like to complete the whole chest / upper arm pieces, but I’m not rushing to get anything done at the moment. For the time being, this is a great point in my life that I will remember forever and always. Memorialized by these tattoos, not to cling to the past or to tell tales of what was, but as a part representation of the whole that I am today.

I like the way it looks and I feel kinda cool / confident while still holding the appearance a guy who is friendly and approachable. I won’t call this my “teddy bear style,” but I think I’ll stick with it, until it starts getting cold out anyway.

Another note on confidence is when I was strolling the Hawaiian beaches, wearing the swim trunks I bought a few weeks ago. It’s not what I was wearing really, but it was a mental attitude. The whole style thing isn’t about impressing others or trying to be something that I’m not, consciously anyway, yeah. Me just being me, being comfortable with myself, it just felt right. Not that I worry much at all about what people think of my appearance anyway, but for some reason it bolstered a positive attitude out of me.

On a final point, I still haven’t completed any sort of design for the tattoo(s) I’ve been thinking about getting, but being in Hawaii has sparked an interest again. I really liked some the unique tribalesque styles I saw.

Eventually, during a break in the festivities of the day, she and a few of her friends came over to me and started up a little conversation. Anyway, she had recognized me as I have been to Japan, frequently, I guess you could call it, over the past year. She spoke little English, me, little Japanese, but one of her friends acted sort of as a translator for bits of it.

I’m skipping a lot… but eventually she wanted to take a picture with me. She grabbed my arm and put it around her and pulled me close; we posed for a few shots. She told me her name, in a way that it was supposed to be special that she was giving it to me. “My love for you,” she said. It’s a Japanese thing, yeah I could probably describe what I mean better, but whatever. She was saying the stuff I do was cool, she thought I was cute, and yadda, yadda. Perhaps a bit much, but again, I thought it was cute.

Anyway, that’s just a bit of a side story. A lot happened today, I’m gonna write it up for Solo Space sometime over the next few days.

We’d go to the store together and pick out patterns and cloth, and my mother would sew them up for me. In that sense, not only did I have input into the style of clothes I’d be wearing, I got to pick out unique patterns that created a style that stood out. My clothes would always match and were generally in good condition. No doubt the teachers and faculty who decided to give the award noticed that, and decided it was one defining facet of me that they thought they’d recognize.

Another thing during this time that made me stand out style wise was during Halloween. Again, my mom would sew together costumes for me (and my sister). For a few years we got awards and were recognized for our elaborate costumes. The “Doll and Pet Parade” sticks out for one, where my sister and I were dressed as clowns, and without pets, we had stuffed animals that were dressed in a similar fashion. Costumes crafted by mom and we were featured in the newspaper and given an award for that as well.

When I moved to the southwest, my mom wasn’t making as much of my clothes as we were buying them now, but I still had a lot of input on what I wanted to wear. Being in the southwest, my clothing for a few years was heavily influenced by Mexican/Native American style. A lot of short sleeve button down shirts with shorts, I wasn’t dressing up but it was different from what all of the other kids were wearing. During this time is also when I got glasses for the first time so that added a little bit to things. In addition, for a lot of the time I had my hair permed (straightened), a unique hair style, divergent from the typical mini afro one might see on black people.

From there, I moved over to the east coast and again, my style would change somewhat. By this time we were buying all my clothes and I basically got to pick out whatever it is that I wanted. This would continue and by the age of 13 instead of my parents buying it, I’d actually be buying things with my own money. So yeah, total freedom to define my own style. For about a year my style would be a bit casual, shorts and t-shirts, but I’d eventually move on to something more unique. For one year I wore nothing but black and green. Not sure the reasoning behind it, but it was a style and color combo that I though looked cool. Another year, I adopted somewhat of a hip hop fashion, wearing nothing but a single brand of clothing (BOSS, by I.G. Design). It was really unique and one could tell that I put effort into it.

During high school is when my style pretty much revolved around dressing up. Business casual if you will. Button down shirts, long sleeve or short, never wearing shorts or jeans, nothing but khakis and dress pants. If I was known for anything I was known for my unique fashion sense. Even to this day, when I wear something that is not considered “dressing up,” people notice right away.

Now, beyond clothing, during my time on the east coast also brought some interesting hair styles. First, I grew an afro a couple inches long and had my mother trim it into a high top fade. I think the high top was a bit of a dated style at the time, but that’s part of what made it stand out. What I did next however, made it stand out so much more.

I had been accustom to getting perms, which was unique in it’s own right, but this time I did something different. I dyed my hair bright blond. Note, that with the high top, the sides are buzz cut, I left that black, the top however was now not only straight, but a blond/gold color. A really unique style that caught many eyes when I returned to school after the summer when I had it done.

The next step in the evolution of that hair style was to braid my hair. Whether the braids were cornrows or 20 to 40 varied sized plats, it was really unique. My hair would eventually grow down to my shoulders, keep in mind that the sides were always buzz cut and it was only the top of my hair that was long. An interesting style indeed (sometimes causing me to be confused for a girl, actually), that lasted for about 4 years before I cut it off. From then on out my hair and clothing has been pretty consistent. Dressy, but not overly so, totally different than what both people of my age and what older people would be wearing.

My facial hair didn’t really start growing in until I was around 21. I’ve never really done much with that but shave it off and or have a mustache/goatee. Also at 21 is when my hair started thinning. A mix of heredity and probably, if only slightly due to the bunch of chemicals I had put into it years earlier, heh. I’ve been shaving my hair for the past two and a half years or so, the baldness has taken complete control and I’m too lazy to try and come up with something unique around that nowadays.

Before my trip to Japan last month, I decided to do a slight mix of my style. Shorts and some interesting designed t-shirts. Simple, yeah, but really out of the norm from what I usually wear. The shirts were purposefully a bit tight on me, giving a slight glimpse of the outline to my body. I really liked this and it made me feel kind of, not “sexy,” but confident and cool. More and more recently I’m becoming interested in varying up my style, and hope to look into it more seriously. I’ve even considered cross dressing too, wouldn’t work for work and other such occasions, but who knows, I might like to mix it up every once in a while.

Whether it’s “cool” fashion, or “cute,” or some undefined “solo style,” it’ll be unique that’s for sure, as my style always has been.